For Immediate Release:
Using the advanced technology so successfully employed in "smart" bombs in Iraq,an unnamed source in Kentucky reports that a new device that carries a syringe filled with a fast acting medication can be launched at a specific target the size of a horse's ass from hundreds of miles away.
The unnamed source advises that the first test of this mysterious device(code named "DA BUZZA")took place this morning. The "smart" needle was launched from a yacht, named "The Kentucky Old Boys Mafia Party Boat", located in the Mississippi River and was aimed at a specific moving target working out a Churchill Downs.However, the test missed its mark and instead hit a nearby unnamed Kentucky Derby trainer in the hind quarters. The hit trainer's hair immediately turned black. He then reared up, picked up his horse, and ran, with the horse across his shoulders and the "smart" needle dangling from his backside, a six furlong workout of 1.06.2.
The Churchill Downs management is now meeting to decide if this workout should be declared official.
The makers of "Da Buzza" have promised that the necessary adjustments will be made to the device by 6PM tomorrow.
In the meantime, a CYA alert has gone out to all kentucky Derby trainers and horses.