Slick metrosexual trainer Turd A. Plonker injects EPO 5 times to his Irish Bred colt over a month and gets his 7% improvement.

SoCal trainer Ron Auntsally takes his Chilean bred back up into the Andes for 4 weeks high altitude enhancement boosting and returns with his 7% improvement.

Brackish bogmeister Hayden O'Brine takes his Kentucky bred colt to Acme Inc.'s Dublin based ODC (oxygen depletion chamber) for intensive artificial high altitude simulation therapy sessions and again returns with a 7% improvement.

Trainer Shrug McConnachie true to his name couldn't care less, but luckily his colt is 7% better than all colts who need 7% booster treatments.

Coincidentally, all four colts then race in a G3 Stakes route over Taffeta(tm), a novel surface derived from recycled fabric from Dancing with the Stars. Unsurprisingly the race ends in a four way dead heat.

Five weeks later, University College Kahnawake Equine Testing Lab returns the EPO positive. Predictably the beleaguered Turd A. Plonker subsequently gets disqualified, stripped, tried, jailed and finally sodomised with a rolled up Daily Racing Form wielded by an indignant Sheet playing inmate.


Oxygen schmoxygen, the poor old needle gets it in the neck again.